Sunday, December 9, 2012

My Date from Hell

Recently, one of my friends introduced me to a woman. We had some good conversation, and things seemed to be going well. She invited me to meet her at a bar and see some bands with her. So I went.

At the bar, word got around that I was a stand up comedian. One of the bands invited me to do a few minutes of my stand up comedy. So I went on stage and did my routine. I was almost finished with my set, when the woman who invited me to the show HECKLES me and yells out "We wanna hear music!"

I responded "Bitch, sit your ass down!" The audience loved it, her... not so much. Oops, no second date for me!

John Griggs

Friday, November 30, 2012

NFL Game Preview - Arizona Cardinals at New York Jets

This coming Sunday at 1:00 P.M., the Arizona Cardinals play the New York Jets at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. The Arizona Cardinals/New York Jets game will be like two French people having sex. They both stink, and one of them will end up on top.

 John Griggs

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

See me at Stand Up Live Wednesday December 5th

I am performing at Stand Up Live in Phoenix on Wednesday December 5th. I will be participating in Stand Up Live's New Faces of Comedy show. Come see me and other comedians bring laughs to Phoenix's biggest comedy club!

Admission is free if you mention my name at the door. You'll see a great variety of talent... from newcomers to seasoned veterans. I watched the last show they had & it was spectacular! This is definitely a show you don't want to miss!

Show time is Wednesday December 5th at 8:00 p.m. Here is the address:

Stand Up Live
50 West Jefferson Street
Phoenix, AZ 85003

For more info on this and other shows, visit

See you there!

John Griggs

Friday, November 16, 2012

Dating and Stand up Comedy

One thing I love about doing stand up comedy is the opportunity to meet a lot of women. I've been doing comedy for a little over eight years now. During that time, I've had three long term relationships and lots of dates with different women. All three of my relationships and quite a few of my dates started out with them seeing me do comedy.

Doing stand up comedy communicates these things about you:

1. You're funny.

2. You have the courage to do something that most people wouldn't do. 

3. You're passionate about something.

If you're a guy, having these three qualities will definitely help you attract women.

I wrote this article primarily for guys. However, I didn't forget about you ladies! :> Ladies, if you do stand up comedy, the amount of guys doing stand up greatly outnumbers the number of females that perform. So ladies, write some funny jokes and give it a shot! You'll have a lot of guys to choose from. If the relationship/date goes bad, guess what? You'll have lots of new material!

John Griggs

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Getting paid for stand up comedy

So you want to get paid for doing stand up comedy? I hate to disappoint you, but for most comedians, the money is just not there.

Based on my experience, I will tell you how conversations will usually go with bookers:

"I have a show I'd like to have you do. There's no pay, but you'll get stage time!"

When a booker says this, he is saying you're not getting any money for your work. However, you'll get to practice your craft so you can (hopefully) get paid gigs in the future.

So tomorrow I'm going to shop for a car. When I go to the dealership and the salesman tries to sell me the vehicle I want, here's how it's going to go:

"So you want $35,000 for a 2013 Camaro? Sorry, there's no pay for you this time. Just hand me the keys! I'll get to drive a new car, and you'll get the experience of selling me it! We both win!!! Do we have a deal?"

I'd love to see how that goes.

John Griggs

Monday, October 1, 2012

How to write a what's the difference joke

I am known for writing "what's the difference" jokes. I have a lot of them. If you want to add more jokes to your arsenal, you should consider writing what's the difference jokes too!

To write one, you simply take two different words or phrases, and then say "What's the difference between #1 and #2, and then come up with a funny punchline!

One way to do this is to actually think of how these two things are similar first.

Example: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and my credit card?

They're both plastic, but my credit card is not buried six feet underground!

Or just do a funny punchline...

What's the difference between the girl I'm going on a date with tonight, and my television?

I'm not getting my television pregnant!

Try it!

John Griggs

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Viral Video - Gangnam Style by Psy

There's a song called Gangnam Style by Psy that's been out for about two months now. This music video has gone totally viral, and is now the most liked video on YouTube of all time.

This video was first published on YouTube July 15, 2012. At the time of this posting, it has over 256 million views!

If this doesn't amaze you, let's compare this number to other popular music videos on YouTube:

Lady Gaga - Just Dance
153 million views - published June 16, 2009

Enrique Iglesias - Tonight I'm Loving You
30 million views - published March 3, 2011

Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO
484 Million Views - released March 8, 2011

By the way, Party Rock Anthem formerly was the most liked video on YouTube. Not any more. At the time of this writing, Party Rock Anthem has just over 1.5 million likes. Gangnam Style has over 2.5 million likes. Psy not only broke this Guinness Book world record, he totally demolished it!

Guys, if you want to attract chicks, memorize the lyrics to Gangnam Style, and sing it at karaoke. It's a difficult feat, but it will be worth it.

Here is the video:

The tune is catchy, and the video is very entertaining. I also love the Oriental women! :D

By the way, Psy is Korean for "Move over bitches, I'm taking over planet Earth!"

John Griggs

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

What to do when people don't like your act

Doing stand up comedy can be really tough. Dealing with hecklers, bombing, and not getting a positive response in general can be very unpleasant. If you have videos online, you may be subject to abusive comments from people.

In reality, getting insulted cannot affect you unless you choose to let it. If you have people that get offended at what you say and try to belittle you, it is actually a good thing! Let me explain:

Don Rickles actually got famous because of being heckled. His clever comebacks is what got him out of obscurity and made him one of the most popular comedians of all time.

Negative comments and dislikes on YouTube will actually boost your views, and will help your videos become viral. How do you think people like Fred and Chris Crocker got so popular?

If you are getting negative comments from others, it is actually better than if no one says anything at all. Getting a any kind of reaction, good or bad, can be a positive thing.

I actually got a very negative review from a British comedy website called Chortle back in 2008. I made their "bad stand up of the week" list two weeks in a row. However, thanks to them, they boosted my views by thousands of views! Thank you Chortle!!!

Here are the articles they posted:

Women should be naked or cooking – or both

Ohh I’m a snoozy little piglet!

Had they have known that putting me in such a negative light would actually boost my popularity, I doubt my friends from across the pond would have posted these articles.

Here are the two videos Chortle didn't like:

If you have something to say (good or bad), please comment below.

John Griggs

Monday, August 6, 2012

How to supplement your income while doing comedy

I have been doing stand up comedy for eight years. For those of you just starting out, I can tell you from experience that you will sometimes experience gaps of several months between paid gigs. No matter how funny you are, it is very likely this will happen.

The great news is that there are many ways to supplement your income during your off time. Also, you can even use your comedic genius to make money! Here are a few ways to do this:

1. Write a funny blog that helps advertise companies.

I got my first opportunity doing this responding to an ad off of Craigslist. It took just a few minutes to write each post, and BOOM I had cash in my PayPal account a few days later! These are my money making posts:

Buying a home in the current economy

Getting around in Phoenix Arizona

2. Write jokes for websites and/or other comedians

I wrote an original joke for a poker website a few years ago. It took a couple of weeks, but they actually paid me for just a simple, corny one liner. The joke?

My Mom’s sister fell asleep during a poker game. I yelled “Auntie Up!”

You can also write jokes for other comedians. I know of other comedians that have made some pretty good cash doing this. If you have a talent for writing jokes for others, you can make money too. There are some totally awful comedians out there that could use services like these. Hell, if you can convince a few of these unfunny people in the Phoenix area to utilize your talent, *I* will pay you!!!

John Griggs


Monday, July 16, 2012

Lenny Lizzard One Year Anniversary Comedy Show at Pranksters Too!

Come see me and other funny comedians perform at Pranksters Too in Scottsdale! The show starts Saturday, July 28th at 8pm. Doors open at 7pm. This show is expected to sell out, so you'll want to get there early. Tickets are only $10 for an unforgettable and fun night of comedy.

Pranksters Too is located at 7919 East Thomas Road in Scottsdale Arizona. Pranksters Too is a really fun bar, and has neat stuff going on every night of the week. You can check them out here:

One of the events they have is The Lenny Lizzard Comedy show. Lenny Lizzard has a weekly show here every Tuesday at 7:30pm. He starts off with some lounge singing, including his own version of The Blues Brothers. Then the comedy starts at 8pm. If you want a cheap night of entertainment, or want to try your hand at stand up comedy, this is a great place to go. There is no cover for the Tuesday shows, and they have karaoke after the comedy.

The July 28th show we are doing celebrates the one year anniversary of Lenny Lizzard Comedy. This show is quickly becoming one of the better comedy venues in the Valley, and I am glad to be a part of it.

John Griggs

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Prank Call to a Hotel

In this video, I pretend I'm a traveling shepherd trying to make hotel reservations to a flustered employee.

Check out more of my videos here:

John Griggs

Sunday, June 24, 2012

What to do when a joke doesn't work

When you see an experienced stand up comedian doing an hour of material, it's a safe bet it took him or her many years to develop their act. Part of this process is writing and trying out new jokes. In most cases, a comedian has to try out several jokes that bomb before he finally tells even one joke that is a "keeper".

So what do you do with jokes that don't work on stage? Most comedians will try telling the joke in front of different audiences, run it by another comedian for suggestions, and change the wording.
What happens when you try all of those things and the joke still doesn't work? One possibility is that the joke may work much better in written form versus being performed.

I have a few examples of such jokes. Here are some of them:

I know that Jesus loves me. However, I'm not attracted to gay Latinos.

Did you hear about the horny dyslexic Oklahoman?

He was up all night trying to find Tulsa.

What's a ghost's favorite food?

A medium pizza.

John Griggs

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Stand Up Comedy and Ego

Many comedians steal jokes and try to pass them off as their own. People who do this are actually trying to protect their ego to look good for their audiences.

For most people, ego is believed by them to be who they actually are. Your ego can be associated with your social status, your occupation, your personality, and other things that are not permanent. In reality, your ego is just a small part of who you actually are.

Ego in many cases can be detrimental to your well being. For example, if you let your ego take over, you won't take chances that may actually help you. You may never try stand up comedy, you may never ask out someone that can be a great match for you, or you may never take any other risks that may benefit you. All this just because you don't want to look bad.

You may think you know what other people think of you, but you really don't. What you believe someone thinks of you is really all in your imagination.

When a comedian steals jokes, he or she hopes the audience is thinking "This comedian is really funny! What a genius!" When a joke thief gets laughs, they may believe people are actually thinking this. However, keep in mind many of us know Rodney Dangerfield's material. So in reality, some audience members are thinking "This retard has to resort to stealing jokes to get laughs? What a douche!"

If you have to steal jokes to get laughs, you have no business doing stand up comedy. It is much better to bomb many times and learn from it, rather than deceive people into thinking you can actually write. If you are too lazy or unmotivated to write your own stuff, there are other things you can do. Be an actor, be in a cover band, or be President of the United States.

John Griggs

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Awesome Comedy Show in Las Vegas Sunday May 20th!

Come see me, Michelle Mikstas, and other funny people perform comedy at The Kings Room at The Rio in Las Vegas on Sunday, May 20th. Showtime starts at 7:00PM. If plan to be in the Las Vegas area at that time, email me at and I will get you free tickets to the show! The Kings Room is located in the Rio Las Vegas Hotel & Casino. You can see more info on this show and others at See you there!

John Griggs

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Accessing Yahoo Mail at Fedex

Yesterday, I went into a Fedex office to print a resume during my lunch hour. I attempted to login to my Yahoo mail to retrieve my document. Yahoo denied me access to my account. I at first thought hackers had hacked my password and compromised my Yahoo login. However, when I logged into my email with my mobile phone, lo and behold... I got right in!

I questioned the clerk at Fedex about this. She said Yahoo blocks all Fedex locations from accessing Yahoo Mail. The weird thing is, I am still getting regular emails from Nigerians offering me millions of dollars in my Yahoo inbox. So I guess Yahoo doesn't want me to print a resume to get another lame job. They want me to be to get rich off of the generosity of these Nigerians. I'm glad Yahoo security has my best interest in mind.

John Griggs

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Cannibal Jokes

Why did the cannibal yell at his students?

They didn't come prepared.

What did the cannibal say when he saw Italians?


After the cannibal got admitted to the hospital, how did he get better?

By eating vegetables!

John Griggs

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Alternatives to Getting a Regular Job

My first job ever was delivering newspapers for the Niagara Gazette. I was only 13 years old. I had to deliver newspapers bicycling a total of three miles a day. A lot of the year the weather was miserable. For those of you who lived in Western New York you know how cold and snowy it can get in the winter. I made a total of $25 a week. That doesn't seem like a lot, but for a young teenager it was pretty good. This was during the 1980s, so in reality I was probably making over $100 a week in today's dollars.

The following year, I started a bigger paper route with the Buffalo News. I then made about $50 a week. Still not a real lot, but it was a pretty good wage for someone not having to worry about paying rent, booze, or lap dances at strip clubs.

I did that for another two years until I was 16. I quit the paper route and didn't work again until my senior year in high school. I worked for a supermarket for a few months and then joined the Navy a month after graduation.

I am now 41 years old. I work at a call center during the day. It's tolerable, but it's not something that motivates me, and not a place I want to stay. A few years ago I read a blog by Steve Pavlina called 10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job. It would have been nice if I would have read this blog as a teenager. I would have saved myself a lot of wasted time and money doing stupid jobs and going to college. It might be too late for me, but maybe just maybe publishing this post might help one of you.

There are a lot of smarter ways to make money than working a regular job. Using these strategies, you have the potential to make residual income. Making residual income is a lot more intelligent than trading your time for money. Let's explore some alternatives and you can decide which one is best for you.

1. Create a blog

If you like to write, this could be a great way for you to make some quick cash. You can actually start a blog with no money! One way to do this is to go to Blogger, choose a name for your blog, publish some posts, and then integrate Google Adsense on your website like I did. If you want to be a big spender, purchase a domain name for a whole $10. Another alternative for publishing articles is Wordpress. A lot of the most popular blogs use Wordpress.

2. Start a business

You don't need to have a ton of money to start a business nowadays. If you have a talent for art, paint some paintings, create some dog collars, or create some other product that you think people would buy. If you're a musician or comedian, make some videos and/or CDs and sell them at your shows and/or on a website. If you're not the creative type, you can just purchase stuff in bulk and resell them for a profit. This totally works... just ask any drug dealer!

John Griggs

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Getting paid comedy gigs

I have been doing stand up comedy for several years now. I am still not to the point where it's a full time job yet. However, I now get paid gigs pretty regularly now, and the extra income does come in handy. If you're considering being a stand up comedian, just starting out doing comedy, or want to increase the amount of paid work you get, this article is for you. Here are some of the most important things you can do:

1. Don't steal jokes

It's amazing how many "comedians" steal jokes from other comedians. Don't do it!!! I've seen a lot of idiots tell famous comedians' jokes and pass it off as their own. Believe it or not, a lot of us know Rodney Dangerfield's material. Even worse, I've seen performers steal jokes from other comedians that perform in the same geographical area. This is totally stupid. Stealing jokes is a surefire way for you to never get invited to do paid gigs. Write your own stuff!!!

2. Write some clean jokes

I love to perform dirty jokes, and I love watching comedians that curse and tell jokes about sex. If you want to do the same thing, that's totally cool. However, consider writing a set that you can do for churches, corporate functions, and all ages shows. This will greatly increase the opportunities that you have.

3. Network Network Network!

Virtually all of my paid gigs have been offered to me either through friends, or friends of friends. Perform at as many open mics and shows as you possibly can. If you get invited to a party by a fellow comedian, go! Don't talk smack about other comedians and be friendly with everybody!

4. Have business cards and a website

Spend some cash and get yourself some quality business cards, and your own website. I have both. When I say a website, I am not talking about your MySpace account. Spend 10 frickkin bucks and buy your own domain!!! Also, have an email account that's associated with your website. looks a hell of a lot better than

John Griggs

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Chris Brown & Rihanna Jokes

What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rihanna?

"I'd hit that!"

What did Rihanna say to Chris Brown after they got in a fight?

"You idiot! I said I like black GUYS!"

John Griggs

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

John Griggs At The Comedy Spot - Sunday March 4th

I will be performing at The Comedy Spot on Sunday March 4th at 7PM. Mark Pitta is the headliner. He's very funny... here is a sample of his stand up comedy:

The Comedy Spot is located at 7117 East 3rd Avenue in Scottsdale Arizona. They are one of Arizona's best comedy clubs, and I encourage you to check them out.

If you're visiting Phoenix from out of town or live in the area, I invite you to see our show this coming Sunday. You can purchase tickets at the door, or online at! Thank you for your support.

John Griggs

Monday, January 30, 2012

New Comedy Show in Scottsdale AZ

Lenny Lizzard hosts a really good comedy show on Tuesdays in Scottsdale Arizona. The show starts at 7:30pm - Lenny does about half an hour of music, then the comedy show starts at 8:00pm. There are a wide range of comedians. You'll see everyone from newcomers to seasoned veterans trying out new material and fine tuning their polished stuff. After the show, you can sing karaoke or watch others make fools of themselves. Here is where the show is located:

Pranksters Too
7919 E Thomas Rd
Scottsdale, AZ 85251

I will be performing there on January 31st (of this year). Check out the show this Tuesday or any Tuesday you're free. It's a lot of fun!!!

John Griggs