Sunday, August 1, 2010

What to do when an employer doesn't contact you after an interview

I love performing stand up comedy, and I especially love getting paid for doing it. My goal is to eventually make enough from writing and comedy to not have to rely on a stupid job to pay my bills.

These past couple of months I have seen some positive changes. I have had a significant increase in the amount of paid gigs I get. Therefore, I can actually see myself making my goal a reality. Unfortunately, I am not there yet. I presently am working at a stupid job during the day. I am looking for another job now. So I have to play the ridiculous game of interviewing.

Employers expect us to be totally honest when we apply for a job. However, after an interview, a lot of managers and HR people will tell you something like "Thanks for coming in - we'll call you with our decision by Friday". If you don't get the job, most of them won't even bother calling you. Lying sacks of shit!!! They may send you a canned rejection letter saying something like "Although we were impressed with your qualifications, we have selected more suitable candidates for the position. We'll keep your resume on file and contact you if anything else comes up." which is usually another lie.

I have a great response to any canned rejection letters you may get. Check it out HERE.

What pisses me off is those employers that don't even have the courtesy to contact you at all after an interview. This has happened to me a couple of times recently. They didn't even send a canned rejection letter. So this is the letter I am sending out to them. Feel free to cut and paste it for yourself. Here it is:

Dear Recruiter,

Thank you for interviewing me on June 12, 2008. I still haven't received any response from you as to whether I got the job or not. So I guess I am still being considered! You must be interviewing thousands and thousands of candidates, because normally it doesn't take two years for an employer to let me know their decision. Either that, or you are just totally inconsiderate. Or possibly we are living in a parallel universe where no response from you means I am hired! I think that must be the case, because I *know* you would *never* be an inconsiderate douche and not call or write me back.

Quick question - is there going to be a drug test? I can pass one now. However, I am hoping there won't be any random drug tests after I start employment. I say this because I would need some hardcore drugs to tolerate working for assholes like you.

Fuck You!!!


John Griggs

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