My resume definitely stands out. However, it probably isn't going to get me a job. Who cares though.... I'm going to have some fun. Hopefully, the recuiters I am sending these resumes to have a sense of humor.
I am applying to various call center jobs as Robert to different companies. I sent all of them a standard cover letter, on how I would be a good fit for the job, how I am good at multitasking and all of the other nonsense people write in these documents. This is just bait to get them to read my resume in Microsoft Word. Here is Robert's resume:
Objective: To be micromanaged in a dead end job. To sell worthless products and convince customers that they need them in a call center environment.
Work History (Previous Lives)
Roman Soldier, Rome, Roman Empire (39 A.D. – 59 A.D.)
Helped strengthen Christianity by feeding their followers to lions.
Provided entertainment for thousands of Roman citizens.
Sales Associate, London, England (November 1810 – January 1835)
Exceeded sales expectations by 50 percent – as a prostitute.
Work History (Present Life)
Ugly Ducking Car Sales (Drive Time), Phoenix, AZ (January 1999 – November 2009)
Able to sell cars even though they were all pieces of junk. Pretty impressive huh?
Well… what are waiting for? Call me for an interview already!!! If you hire me, I will even dispose of all the other applicants resumes for you. Isn’t that nice of me?
I will keep you posted on all correspondence I receive from these companies. I can't wait to see how they respond!