Saturday, December 11, 2010
One way to earn money is through affiliate programs. Basically what this means is you post ads for other companies' products on your website. Then when your visitors click on the advertisement and end up purchasing, you earn a percentage of the sale. It's a great way to make residual income.
Soon, I am going to experiment with affiliate programs on my website. I tried it once before, but did not have much success. However, I have learned some things since my first attempt. One thing I found out is you should promote products that are related to your business. For example, if you are a stand up comedian, try promoting other products related to comedy. Associateprograms.com has a list of humor affiliate programs you can check out HERE.
If you don't promote products that are related to your website, you're not going to make money. For example, if you write a blog on parenting or religion, putting banners on your site from Foulmouthshirts.com isn't going to get you any sales. However, doing just that would get you some VERY interesting emails from your readers! :>
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
If you ever had a phone sales job, they usually give you a script to follow. They do this for the same reason. Once you repeat something over and over again, you don't have to think about it, and it becomes natural.
Of course, repeating something over and over again can be detrimental as well. Just ask anyone who drives home drunk regularly from the bars. Lots of people who do this end up with expensive DUIs.
I currently struggle with job interviews. Because it is not something I do every day, I am often unprepared to give good responses on the fly. From now on, I am going to prepare some good responses in advance, and practice them until I have committed them to memory and feel comfortable delivering them. If you are struggling with job interviews, try this strategy yourself.
Of course, I do not plan on relying on having a day job too much longer. I believe that I can eventually get paid a lot more and enjoy myself more if I were self-employed versus working at a stupid job. Therefore, I am committing myself to finding ways of providing value to others on my own. I have a four day weekend this weekend, so I am going to spend a lot of it experimenting, writing, and breaking my usual routines. Try doing something outside of your comfort zone yourself and see where it takes you.
As humans, we fall into routines quite easily. Look at what you do on evenings and weekends when you are not working. For example, if you exercise, write, or do some kind of performing, you are on track to having a better future. If you spend the majority of your spare time watching TV, playing online games, or getting wasted, your future will not improve.
If you are unhappy with your job or your current life situation, quit complaining about it. Instead, find small ways to change your daily routine that will help you. You may not be able change anything overnight, however the small changes that you make now will benefit you in the long run.
The best way to improve your future is to take action. Do it NOW!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
If I was a female or gay, I could just be a stripper or be an escort. I am a VERY straight male. So I have another solution to my money troubles. I am going to start writing more erotic romance novels.
You can actually see a sample of my work here:
See more erotic stories at Seniorotica's main site here:
Monday, November 8, 2010
I have tried the self-employment route. The money I earn from stand-up comedy is a joke (and not a funny one either). A good percentage of what I do earn ends up being spent on gas and food and drinks from being out and about. I also earn a VERY small residual income from articles I have written online.
So where does this leave me? I could try applying for more jobs, but I think it would be a waste of time. None of the jobs I have had these last two years have lasted more than nine months. I got fired from a "good" company two years ago after working there only six months. When I go to an interview, the recruiters ask me "Why did you leave this company?" almost every time. I got canned because I didn't meet their production standards. I think it is total bullshit that I am judged on an isolated incident that happened two years ago. It's a good thing Oprah Winfrey wasn't judged the same way. "Oprah, you got pregnant at age 14, we can't give you a TV show!!!"
I have to take an educated guess as to why I am not getting hired, because these recruiters are cowards and are too chicken shit to actually let me know the real reason why they won't hire me.
I really don't want to work at a cubicle farm for much longer. Therefore, I have to either figure out a way to make serious money from my comedy and writing, or start a business offering another product or service.
I could use some suggestions. Will any of my two readers I get per day offer me any advice?
Monday, November 1, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Wild Time Machine Adventures - by John Griggs
“You IDIOT! You lost your job AGAIN?!” Madeline screamed.
“Babe, you know I can’t work under those conditions!” Steve replied.
“Yeah when you say ‘those conditions’ you mean coming to work drunk? How the hell are we going to pay rent???” Madeline quipped. She clenched her fists and she became more and more visibly angry.
“Babe, relax. All of our financial troubles will be over soon.” Steve got a beer from the refrigerator and gulped it down to help with his hangover.
Madeline grabbed a stack of overdue bills and slammed on the counter in front of Steve. “Yeah, you said that after you bought that ‘home-based business’ online. What do you have now Genius???”
“I got us a time machine!”
“What do you plan on doing?”
“Just trust me.” Steve confidently replied.
Steve went outside, entered the time machine, and pressed buttons. Soon flashes of lightning bolts surrounded it, and then it disappeared in a puff of smoke!
An hour later, Steve returned with the time machine.
“Babe, check this out. I bought something from the past and brought it back to the present time. I’m going to sell it now and get us some cash. I’m sure it’s worth millions of dollars now!”
Madeline had a beautiful smile, something Steve hadn’t seen that often lately.
“Wow, I’m impressed! For once, it looks like you did something intelligent. What did you bring back? The first Superman comic book?”
“The first issue of Mad Magazine?”
Steve jumped up and down with excitement, then kissed Madeline passionately for a minute. He then left their apartment with his prize still in the plastic bag.
An hour later, Steve returned, looking defeated.
“What happened?” Madeline asked, not looking happy now.
“Well, I went to the pawn shop, but they didn’t give me as much as I expected.”
“What did you buy?” Madeline inquired.
“I bought Paris Hilton’s first CD. It was still in the shrink wrap!”
“How much did you get for it?”
“They paid me five dollars… to dispose of it.”
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
I actually do believe that some music has a negative influence on society. Although, I think there are many songs that are communicating a much more dangerous message than the supposedly "Satanic" songs.
Here is a song from the 80s that I actually liked until recently. It's "Who's Holding Donna Now" by DeBarge.
Here are some of the lyrics:
Well I keep wondering who's holding Donna now,
And I keep wondering who's heart she's knocking around,
There's nothing I wouldn't do,
To be in his shoes right now.
Apparently, DeBarge had a breakup with his girlfriend prior to writing this song. Now he's feeling sorry for himself and wants his old girlfriend back. What a wimpy douchebag! Hey Debarge... news flash you're a rock star. Get over it, and find a new woman (or women)! Debarge, if I was in *YOUR* shoes I would write a song something like this:
Hey Donna now our courtship has ended,
And guess what, I'm fully mended,
I'm single now, gonna hang with gang,
And get lots of POONTANG!
The problem with this song by DeBarge and countless other popular artists is that they are subliminally teaching us that after a break up, you should feel sorry for yourself, feel sad for a long time, and do anything to get your ex back. When some people find out they CAN'T get their ex back, they do a lot of ugly things. This may be the reason why YOUR ex-girlfriend slashed your tires. Worse, songs like these this may be part of the reason why there are so many rotten guys murdering their ex-girlfriends. The only people benefiting from these bastards is the people doing programming for the ID channel.
Worse, we have songs like Michael Bolton's "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You". Michael what are you trying to teach people, to commit suicide after a breakup?!?!?
It is time for musicians around the globe to write more empowering lyrics and get some songs out there that will positively impact society. I think this would help our world greatly. If you are in a band, and would like help with this, I can. Not only am I a comedian, I can sing and write lyrics.
Although we still have a severe shortage of postive songs, we may be heading in the right direction. Here's one of my favorite new songs that was released recently. It's Samantha James' "Waves of Change":
Hey Samantha, not only are you an amazing singer, I think you are sexy as hell. We should hook up! I am intelligent, hilarious, sexy, and an amazing kisser!
Oh yeah and I can write lyrics too!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
-------- Original Message --------
Subject: your comics suck
From: "John D. Griggs"
You should change your name so I don’t look so bad.
-------- My Response ------------
Subject: RE: your comics suck
To: "John D. Griggs"
Regardless of whether I change my name or not, you will still look bad, and you will still be a retard. Thank you for the feedback.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
This letter has been circulating since 1991 B.C. It has remained
unchanged throughout all these years. Which is truly amazing because
Modern English didn't exist back then.
Pass this message on to as many of your friends as possible, and you
will receive good luck! Not forwarding this message could have dire
consequences. Just look at this horror story below!
Nathan Ulysses Thurmond from Toledo, Ohio received this message, and
did not forward it. His classmates then figured out what his initials
spell out and teased him constantly. Depressed, he dropped out of high
school, then started walking down the street and was beat up by circus
midgets and IRS agents. Then some squirrels, thinking he was a NUT,
attacked Nathan as well! Disoriented, he tried to find the hospital,
but instead stumbled into an Internet cafe. Almost bleeding to death,
he found this message in his Yahoo e-mail account, and began to
forward this e-mail to everyone in his Address book. His bad then luck
began to change for the better. His wounds healed instantaneously and
he then met a beautiful blonde girl there. They left the cafe hand in
hand and kissed passionately under the stars. She then took Nathan
back to her place and they made wild passionate love all night!
Unfortunately, when he was trying to forward this message earlier, he
forgot to hit 'Send'. Years later, he barely managed to get his GED,
works at a dead-end job, pays child support to that blonde,
and is paying off credit card debt from a Nintendo 64 he bought his
son at the pawn shop. His son resents him and doesn't play with the
Nintendo because it's obsolete.
Do not let this anything like this happen to you. Forward this message
to as many people as possible. "Everybody's doing it!"
Monday, May 31, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
- Tell them a joke.
- Play some music.
- Tell people that you'll perform a stunt or mess with that snobby looking chick if you give them a dollar.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
3855 East Thomas Road
Phoenix, AZ 85018-7504
Saturday, May 1, 2010
The Hidden House
607 W Osborn Rd
Phoenix, AZ 85013
A few short years ago, this comedy show was an open mic with hardly anybody in the audience. Nowadays it is one of the most successful comedy shows in Arizona. Because of the popularity of this show, it is now held twice a week on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Comedians will often use their time here to test new material out, so you never know what to expect. Everybody from first timers to nationally touring headliners perform here, so you can expect a great variety. This a great place to take a date without making a severe dent in your pocketbook. There's no cover charge, no drink minimum, and you can get a steak dinner for only $6 on Wednesdays! The show starts at 8:30PM.
Bongo's Bar & Grill
4080 W Ray Rd
Chandler, AZ 85226
Local comedian Jill Bryan runs a comedy show every Wednesday at 8PM. There's always a different lineup of funny comedians every week. Bongo's also has delicious food, so you don't have to worry about going somewhere else before the show. After the comedy show, have fun watching or singing karaoke. Again, no cover charge, and no drink minimum!
The Ice House Tavern
3855 East Thomas Road
Phoenix, AZ 85018
Sean McCarthy started this weekly comedy show a few months ago, and has quickly turned it into one of the most successful ones in the area. This is a very unique place - you can actually watch hockey being played live behind the bar! Come out for Cinco De Mayo, and laugh your ass off watching some of Arizona's best comedians. Local bands often come here and perform before and after the show, so you will be entertained all night long. The show is every Wednesday at 9PM, and will be a great place to go on May 5th! Again, no cover, no drink minimum.
I have been to all of these shows many times, and I would highly recommend any of them.
Comedians: if you need info on how to sign up to perform for one of these shows, go to my website for contact info here:
Most likely, these shows have enough comedians for Cinco De Mayo. However, come out and support anyway. You will have a good time, and you MAY actually be able to perform if there are cancellations. These shows will be around for a long time, so email/call the comedian running the show, and they will set you up for a future date. Whether you are a comedian in the Phoenix area, or plan to visit from out of town, these are all great places to test your material and have receptive audiences appreciate you.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
My resume definitely stands out. However, it probably isn't going to get me a job. Who cares though.... I'm going to have some fun. Hopefully, the recuiters I am sending these resumes to have a sense of humor.
I am applying to various call center jobs as Robert to different companies. I sent all of them a standard cover letter, on how I would be a good fit for the job, how I am good at multitasking and all of the other nonsense people write in these documents. This is just bait to get them to read my resume in Microsoft Word. Here is Robert's resume:
Objective: To be micromanaged in a dead end job. To sell worthless products and convince customers that they need them in a call center environment.
Work History (Previous Lives)
Roman Soldier, Rome, Roman Empire (39 A.D. – 59 A.D.)
Helped strengthen Christianity by feeding their followers to lions.
Provided entertainment for thousands of Roman citizens.
Sales Associate, London, England (November 1810 – January 1835)
Exceeded sales expectations by 50 percent – as a prostitute.
Work History (Present Life)
Ugly Ducking Car Sales (Drive Time), Phoenix, AZ (January 1999 – November 2009)
Able to sell cars even though they were all pieces of junk. Pretty impressive huh?
Well… what are waiting for? Call me for an interview already!!! If you hire me, I will even dispose of all the other applicants resumes for you. Isn’t that nice of me?
I will keep you posted on all correspondence I receive from these companies. I can't wait to see how they respond!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
There are two solutions that would work much better than what we have in place now.
1. Make ALL drugs legal
This sounds extreme, but anything is better than the system we have in place now. Let people use whatever drugs they want. Let them practice free will. If a few people want to get together at a house and smoke pot, who cares? They are not hurting anybody. If people who use hard drugs like cocaine and meth end up killing themselves with an overdose, that is their choice. You have the freedom to choose what kind of life you want to live. No government has the right to interfere with that.
No laws are going to prevent people from doing illegal drugs. If you want people to stop using drugs, we should try this instead:
2. Make the World a Better Place
People often take legal and illegal drugs for a temporary escape from their problems.
Therefore, an awesome solution to the drug problem would be to make the world such a great place to live, no one would need to use drugs or alcohol. Will we see an ideal world like this in our lifetime? It's up to you.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Take a good look at your wardrobe. Do you have pants that don't fit any more? Get rid of them. Do you have shirts with holes or with missing buttons? Get rid of them. You aren't going to take the time to sew a button on. Next, look around at your remaining wardrobe. Donate or throw out anything you don't wear regularly. Now you have some room to start buying new stuff!
Next, ask some females what looks good on guys. Not only will you get some valuable insights in fashion, you also started an interesting conversation with a female! Fashion is an AWESOME topic to discuss with ladies. If this tip helps you, just remember to invite me to your wedding.
Now go shopping. You can take a female friend with you if you choose to give you advice. Repeat as necessary. When females give you compliments like "nice shirt" and they aren't being sarcastic, you are on the right track.
You don't have to spend hundreds of dollars to look good. Outlet stores, and many other clothing stores can provide you with fantastic looking outfits without you going broke. Just stay away from Wal-Mart, unless you like supporting your local sweatshop and don't mind attracting women that are how you say... less than stellar.
After that, you want buy some cologne. Again, I would advise not getting it from Wal-Mart. You can get decent cologne at a mall for about 40 bucks or so. Drakkar, Joop and Guess have all provided me with good results. When you do use cologne, don't overdo it! A couple of quick sprays should be more than sufficient.
Last but not least, you want to get in shape. If you haven't already, start an exercise program. Ride a bike, play volleyball, lift weights, or do some other physical activity you enjoy. Not only will your body look and feel better, exercise is also is a great way to lift your spirits. With you being in a better mood, women will desire you more. Besides that, if you end up attracting a fitness model, you don't want to get winded too quickly if you end up doing physical activities together!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Thank you for your feedback!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
You can view more of his videos here:
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Check out this video I produced - it's a spoof of the Dating Game. The lovely bachelorette Kandi must choose one of three eligible bachelors. Enjoy!