Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Happy 4/20!

Recently, I discovered the website Vine. It's a website where you can post six second, looping videos.

I just published this video. I made this video specifically for all of you stoners out there. Enjoy!

I have more videos on my Vine channel that you can check out here - https://vine.co/u/1238424844610560000

Be safe out there!

John Griggs http://www.johngriggscomedy.com

Monday, November 30, 2015

My predictions for the future

1985 was the year when the movie Back to the Future was released. I was a teenager when this came out. For those of you that don't know, 2015 is the year Marty McFly traveled to the future in Back to the Future part 2.

A lot of the predictions in the movie did not come true. For example, you do not see flying cars now. I do not see flying cars being available 30 years from now, or even 100 years from now. It's not that the technology isn't available. Based on the way a lot of idiots drive on the ground nowadays, making flying cars available for regular people would be a really really BAD idea!

So what is going to happen in the next 30 to 100 years? I am going to make some predictions right now. I am confident they will come true.

1. Techno music will become more popular and played on a lot more radio stations.

2. Over 50 years from now, Jennifer Lawrence and The Hunger Games will still be popular. Hollywood will also continue to release Hunger Games sequels, as long as they are making money.

You saw it here first!

John Griggs


Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Saint Patrick's Day Joke

A lot of people out there have Irish sounding names. You know like O'Kelley, O'Brien and O'Neil. My name also can sound Irish.... when I'm having sex with a woman.

"Oh John! Oh John! Oh Yes! Give it to me! Oh John!"

John Griggs


Sunday, December 7, 2014

A story of me and an aggressive salesman

One thing that annoys the hell out of me is people who try to aggressively sell me something. Especially when I'm not in the mood to buy anything. This happens to me a lot.

So I'm getting gas at a service station recently. Another customer there looked at my old car with dents and chipped paint. He then approached me and says "Man, you need a new car! By the way, I do auto sales at this local dealership. Here's my card!" He then handed me his business card.

I wonder how many cars he's sold using this method. I'm guessing zero. I wonder what would happen if he was in a different occupation and he tried this same type of sales pitch.

"Man, you need to get to the gym, Fatso! By the way, I'm a personal trainer. Here's my card!"

John Griggs

Monday, November 24, 2014

Dumb and Dumber Little Old Lady

The original Dumb and Dumber is one of my favorite comedy movies. Here is the scene where Lloyd Christmas gets ripped off by a little old lady:

The little old lady is played by Connie Sawyer. She was 82 when the original Dumb and Dumber was released in December of 1994, twenty years ago.

Believe it or not, at the time I wrote this article, she is still alive!!! Her birth date is November 27, 1912. This means she turns 102 on Thanksgiving Day of this year. She is also is in the Dumb and Dumber To sequel, which was released this month. I guess when Jim Carrey told her "Don't you go dying on me", she took that literally.

For more information about Connie Sawyer, you can read about her on Wikipedia here. Interestingly, she was actually a stand up comedian at one time. I would like to know if there are any recordings of her comedy. If I find any videos of her performances, I will put them on a future post.

I am looking forward to taking my girlfriend to see the Dumb and Dumber To this Thanksgiving weekend. Jim Carrey is one of my favorite comedic actors, so I am sure it will be awesome.

Here is one of my favorite scenes from the original Dumb and Dumber. Enjoy!

John Griggs


Monday, July 21, 2014

How to make your jokes funnier

A great way to get more laughs from your jokes is to add a tag, otherwise known as a topper. A tag is basically a second (or a third, a fourth, or more) punchline without starting a new setup.

I will demonstrate the use of tags, using one of my newer jokes as an example. The first paragraph will be the setup, the second paragraph will be the punchline, and the third paragraph will be the tag. Here we go:

So I'm 43 years old. A lot of people my age are concerned about gray hairs. This morning, I ended up pulling ten gray hairs.

Man, I sure pissed off a lot of nursing home residents!

Especially since they were nose hairs.

John Griggs


Saturday, June 14, 2014

How to deal with collection agencies and telemarketers

If you get a call from a collection agency or a telemarketer, you should do what I do. Act like you're going to pay, and then stutter like Porky Pig.

"My Vu Visa nu nu number is BULEEB BULLEEB four four fu fu four four fu four four fu four four four..."

John Griggs